blog
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
lilong.livejournal.com
i've succumbed to the need to guard my posts.
Friday, June 27, 2008
i like to watch my mum and dad interacting. you see, mum's a much more lively character who's not afraid to show her love by means of, er, PDA. while on the other hand, dad comes from a strict and somewhat rigid family. in other words, he is like e complete opposite from mum - reserved, introverted, conservative. so for example, mum sometimes would behave like a love-struck teenage girl and try to hold or hint at dad to hold her hand (well of course dad being dad usually fails to get the hint). then she'd resort to hold/hugging his arm, like wad xinyi would do last time lol. its an endearing sight considering how sometimes their r/s is on and off. at times, it even feels like they are together cos of us (children). well, i'm glad that its not that bad now.
anyhow, it set me thinking about how romantic relationship evolves. first, it'd start with curiousity. oh boy, the "when a man meets a woman" feeling. it starts out by the want to get to know each other. and of course, someone has to do something. after which, (though some people skip this step) the friendship begins. if there's chemistry or 'fireworks', it'll blossom into courtship. well, this is perhaps the most conventional initial stage of any relationship. the key here is how curiosity spurs on actions being taken to nurture something.
next, the honeymoon period. the talks of forever, a love that is able to transcend all boundaries till the end of time. everything seems perfect and nothing else matter really. this is perhaps the most exciting part of the relationship.
after a year (or two), the relationship becomes somewhat like a habit. it's hard to kick cos one's so used to it. spending time together, talking on the phone, replying messages seem like second nature. there are still hints of passion though, depending on both parties. it takes two hands to clap. (perhaps only specific to my case) but this is where fatigue starts setting in, especially if you are always on the giving end. mum says it's better to be on the giving end (well of course not referring to r/s la), but imo, that's only true for everything else but relationships.
as time goes on, habits become a form of commitment. this is where relationships go down to path - the end or the beginning. i don't think i've reached this stage so i don't know how it feels. but from analyzing my parents r/s, i realised it takes a lot of effort to keep things going. 'things' referring to passion, active love. it is at this juncture where if one's not careful, love degenerates into nothing more than a habit. it's like "okay it's the weekend, it's her/his day" kinda stuff. then again, my sis somehow manages to keep the flame burning. on the other hand, i think tracy is getting tired dating my brother. lol, my mum was giving her 'lowdown' on bro's r/s and i told her "whoever date kor will also be damn sian and pissed cos he's so bochap and blur". hahha. poor tracy. then again he's ultra nice and cherrylene once couldn't stop kajiaoing me about him. okay maybe that's exaggerated but u get the idea. lol.
i don't know but i just felt like randomly going through the process of beginning and
maintaining a relationship. i'm certainly not a maestro at it but i suppose it's nice having someone to love. it's like there's an outlet to transform all the shit that i'm going through into something more productive. but an abundance of it, will of course, lead to overdose. it harms not only the loved but the one loving as well. i guess it's always better to be in the shoes of the former, but somehow i always end up as the latter.
alright, i've spent enough time doing things i could do another time. at least everything's off my chest. i don't feel as good as i want to feel but its enough to keep me through studying math for the night. good luck everyone.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
the female invigilator for our econs paper was... i'm at a lost for words. when she said "arts dont need so many paper right?" i almost blurted out an expletive. we are always misunderstood, sigh. but i don't regret being an Arts student. i find so much more meaning in studying the likes of literature as compared to physics. the timelessness of poetry, drama and other classical works is astounding. i guess being the minority, there's nothing much i can complain about. well at least the teacher made up with other funny sound bites.
econs was a frenzy. like i didnt stop writing. it was just so tiring. i'm in this holiday mood whereby there's no sense of urgency to study or anything. i don't know why but As just seem so far. it's easy knowing what i lack but hard to make up for it. that's why i hate myself. i'm in this constant flux between doing what is right and doing what i want to do. in the end, the time spent choosing, or otherwise known as procrastination, pretty much takes up all the time i have. next thing i know, the sun has set and it's time to sleep, or attempt to at least.
i've been rolling in bed for hours these past few days. i guess the absence of my brother could be playing tricks on my sleep cycle. he brings about a calming effect i guess. although of course i hate it when he's drunk and taking up every inch of the bed(s). thank god that's a rare occurence. but strangely, i miss the sound when he grinds his teeth in his sleep. the room just seem so much more empty.
i don't know why i can't sleep.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
my sister had a field day using my msn account for... about an hour. it was so surprising cos no one even suspected it wasn't me though my sis writes so differently from me + the crazy name changes which, in my opinion, has ruined me for life. lol. and the 'XX is a babe' nick change scared the shit out of me cos i saw numerous windows popping up and i was like, die already. hahah. oh well, the crazy things my sister does.
on a serious note, i am somewhat inspired to attempt to be 50% as mug as yicheng. 5 more days to get going, it can be done, only if i work as hard as yicheng.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
cool. lifted from sua.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
it is being mediocre and doing nothing to change this situation that is really making me so tired. tired of doing nothing.
i usually have so much to say and crap. but these few days, words just fail me.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
tired, of everything.
