friday - train in heavy rain. freaking cold i almost froze to death. and i lost to boon gan 200m in a 1000m race. wtf lar, damn zhibei now to think that i tot i was faster. but 200m is too much, i must cut it to at least 100m if i wanna get above 2nd last and 50m to get 3rd. oh wait, 50m might even get 2nd haha.

saturdae - waxed my boat in the drizzle. trained in the drizzle. washed up in the drizzle. went to jh party in the drizzle. waited for romit's car in the drizzle. im officially sick.

sunday - i dun feel any better. i sense the 102913780182 bout of bronchitis coming. pleaaseeee my form is bad enuff, if im sick i'll just die in the race. there goes my stamina.

friday, 29th June, 10am. the one and onli race i've got this whole year. 5 minutes. probably the most important 5 minutes in my entire canoeing history coz it's the first time im going in tinking that i've got no chance at all. the past few years, i've entered every single competition as favourites, everytime i raced. i knew i was gonna win. but this year, it's different. cmon, i need to get myself together. lilong, where's e indomitable fighting spirit that u used to have?
--
anywae, all i can tink of now is nationals. i seriously cannot tink of anything else except how im gonna get at least 2nd last. i told lin chen that i'll cry if i capsized/dq or get last. i seriously will. i can't believe how much i've deproved in a year. transferring school and MCs and bsp camp seriously screwed my whole season. im so fking pissed and just when i found the fire inside me to train, i'll get sick. and it's too late for regrets now. and cher once told me, that i was in the team coz they had to put me into the team somehow or another otherwise it'll look bad. in other words, i probably ain't good enuff to start with. i've been improving like hell, but i guess it's not enough. that's why i'll feel so bad if i dun at least get at least 2 points for the team. and as im blogging, i suddenly feel like crying. i already am.

im going to bed now. -sniffs-

taking a chance,
it could be different,
it could be all i ever wanted.

day or night,
rain or shine,
keep-
on-
running.
let the passion override me,
my physical incapacity
and take me on a race
i've never had before.
just for that 5 minutes,
i need to muster every single
ounce of strength
that i got.
just to not let u down,
let the team down,
let all those ppl rooting for me down.
i will, for u ppl. i will