hm 5 weeks in china, learnt so many things intangible. i guess i came back as a changed man, in some small ways. looking back at the many friends i made there, the things i've learn from them, it somehow made the trip worthwhile. if only we had more time together coz many of us onli begin getting attached to them in the last few days. but thankfully i wasnt one of them. so many things i want to say, but i shall just keep them for myself coz im sure most of us that went have our different little food for thought, so i dont need to say anything more.

and of course, being lucky, i've had xinyi there wif me in wenzhou. lets just put it that we had such a great time together and people kept complaining how both of us keep disappearing lol. but ya, it wasnt as simple as dat, coz we've been thru something together and still came back together. hand in hand.

and of course jus recently the council camp. it made me open my eyes wide and realise what i've been missing out. in everything we do, we must always keep an open mind. one of my biggest mistake was judging people from what i hear and what i tink. honestly, the suayu in my mind was an egoistic faggot etc but to think of it, it was the narrowness of my mind dat made me judge people too quickly. suayu's a great guy really, i guess we all need to give ourselves and others a chance to know them. when we've a pre-imprinted impression of someone or somethings in our mind, it usually results in us blurring the line between what's right and what's wrong, between what's true and what are just figments of our own imagination. we all have to cast aside this pre-impressions if we ever want to succeed as people.

and from the camp, i realise that many of us actually do not trust in our friends as ironic as it sounds. even when we're surrounded with friends, people who were always there for us, we still fail to confide in them. i mean, i myself dont really confide in others to. im always overcomed by this awkwardness or dat there wasnt any point in letting others noe. but how wrong could i be? i guess we should all really open up a little instead of burying everything deep down to ourselves. friends are there for a reason, i guess this is one of them. and maybe not just friends, our family too. blood's always thicker than water, when will we ever learn to confide in our parents? when will we ever learn?

i rmbr telling yanyi last night to show more concern to xy. and her reply was the standard reply most of us would give. like "why bother? she dont need me" kinda ting. and it made me ponder over something. as in, alot of us make the mistake of working based on assumptions and we always assume the wrong things. lol. not always, most of the time. we assume what we want to assume. the thing is WANT. so its subjective ya? aniwae, it doesnt hurt to go ur daddy or mummy and tell them that u love them. even though the reply might be something u dun expect, or even better, something u always wanted to hear from them. small things go a long way, it really does.

aniwae, the seniors were commenting that perhaps i havent found the true self. the real me. but i beg to differ, coz i noe who i am, what i am. i do know myself, but perhaps its hidden beneath many layers of mist that not many people can look thru it. but yes, i do noe myself. but to be fair, i tink i still need to find the passion within me. i've lost this fire in me since i transfered. last time, canoeing was the flame that kept me going. but now, i really dont noe. dat's something that i'll find soon, my gut feeling tells me that. and the confidence that i exude, might come across as overbearing, but i nv mean to domineer. its just something that i honed when i transfered school. its never gonna be an easy choice to leave somewhere more comfortable, where my path is more assured, to go to a new environment. without this change of environment, i would never hve become the person i am today. and to be frank, im proud i made it this far, im proud to have made so many friends dat haf been moulding me in the past year, and im proud of being a Hwa Zhong zi di. and this are something i would never haf experienced if i made it to NJ, coz everybody starts from zero down there. and in hwachong, i was the onli one who started from the bottom, and slowly climbed up to where i am today. if i stayed in SJI, i would always have been up there, and whatever confidence i have, will definitely transform into ego and complacency. im glad i make this choice, its perhaps one of the biggest gamble i made in my life so far. but thankfully, i won. and i find myself in somewhere i can call home...