listening to blower's daughter now.

i guess it wasnt what i wanted to hear. i think i was so upset because it seemed to me as though the door was slammed on my face again and again, and on the other side, or at least on both sides we both hoped the door would somehow open again. i waited. i just didnt know whether i could go through it all again. i could have been everything, but i know im not. i wanted too much to be everything so much that i missed out being myself. perhaps in time to come, the traffic lights would turn green for me once again. and there's nothing much to say now, except hoping you enjoy the gift. i've disappointed for too many times, and this would be the last.

and so it is... just like you said it would be... what could have it been?

anyway, reading seven types of ambiguity reminded me of the joy of reading. thank you for the book. Alex Klima (a psychiatrist in e book) also suggested that everyone had to keep a journal so as to maintain a good state of mental health. he reasons that writing down one's thoughts allows the persona to come to terms with his thinking and be rational at the same. i kinda agree, perhaps the reason why im back here moaning.

i realised that it isnt exactly a reason. i dont know. i guess i wanted to hear those three words again. at least it'd have made me more assured of what i was, and have been to you. guess i dont mean much. everything can just change at the snap of a finger. i was left out in the cold jus so suddenly that it felt so surreal.

then, the next moment, i realised i have been snuffed out like a fly.