mediocracy plagues me. and i rightly deserve it. as enloong succintly puts it, "you are way too slack". haha. i'm slightly encouraged by the fact that cai yu's bro, aka sua ning, managed an overseas scholarship without H3 as well. looks like i've to resort to being a portfolio whore. all i've now are a few start up trophies and fpsp. so where do i go dig out more leadership positions in J2? amusing. alright i wont be so superficial. study i shall. watch me fly next year.

and i like the song in the background. a tad melancholy. jian yi says that this is a song you can listen to and sulk all day hahaha. hence, it's in loop. but i aint sulking, at least not anymore. i cannot maintain my depression for more than a day. strange. alright admittedly, there was only one occasion this year where i was low, long enough for people to start worrying, and long enough for me to realize i had to snap out of it. as i told jianyi, i'll self bandage my wounds and become my old self again. i dont know whether this is called resillience of dillusion, maybe a little bit of both. but i recall somewhere, in some song, lyrics that went "even if the sun goes down, i'm still gonna shine" and that guided me through the darkest periods of my life.

this year came and went. next year aint gonna slip through my fingers.