so apparently my parents have been persuaded by my chinese physio to go without surgery. strange how the thought of living without the ligament seem so surreal. but i guess its a one year gamble. so in this entire next year, i'm relegated to being a tofu. no running, no jumping, nothing physical at all. soccer? oh that's a fucking dream too.

in the next week, ultimately i get to decide whether i want to go for surgery. well it costs three fucking thousand (and that's with trainees working on my knee, 9000 for the doctor to do it privately) zzz. guess i just let parents decide, i'm too tired, too upset to think about anything now. and i wonder what the fuck will i do when i see dingjie for the next 10 days in scotland. fuck you.