hmm it's been what? 3-4 days since that short conversation with jerry only. but i havent found time to blog about it, yet if the fact that i still want to do so just says how much it is bugging me. anyhow, it's not about how much he owes me that irritates me, but rather how selfish a person he has become. not that i didnt know, but the extent of self-centred(ness) irks me to the point when i dont even feel like talking to him. zzz, its amazing how a simple reminder to return some money, which he had so fervently promised to do so(at the start that is), can degenerate into this rant about jerry hong. well, maybe i'm over reacting but seriously, his "i've more important things than to care about the money" kinda attitude just makes me so frustrated at him. yes, now i know what are friends of convenience. it's not the amount of money that u owe that makes me feel so F* up, but rather, that i-am-the-emo-king-of-the-world AND nothing-else-matters-but-me mantra to life. forget the money, there's just nothing else i want to do as a friend for you anymore.
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just had to write about it. if not i'll just bottle it up and god knows what will happen. i guess that's what my blog's about, not for entertainment, but rather for me to just pen down my thoughts. i know its boring, but haha, its always fun reading my own archives to see what i've been through, and how i've grown (be it for the better or worst).

and jinhao said something that struck me so hard. i simply cant find the zest to be committed to huang cheng. its just that the sense of ownership eludes me, and everything seem so foreign. maybe i'm just like the others, always dwelling in the memory of high school council, where though there may be undercurrents here and there, but that's where i really felt at ease. and its really strange how i talk to suayu and even jijo so much more now than during HSC. anyhow, even for soccer, i dont really feel so attached. of course it's due to the inability to train with them and compete together. actually, i think the idealised notion of brotherhood was cultivated in SJI, where we were really ah bungs. sigh. at least today the 1-0 win over nj was well worth the time i spent away from lian3 pai3.

wanted to get some cheese brownies and oreo cheesecake and what not at this bakery near thomsom road. seriously, its super nice. its a pity that it's closed tomorrow. i guess i'll ask mel and pin out to go shopping, resuming the cousin outing tradition.

recently, i dont think i've been very happy. but then again, i need to be mr brightside.