i am suppose to be doing literature right now, but i just am not in the mood to do much. i cannot really put how i'm feeling down in words, except as i told sam, i'm not happy neither am i sad. i think i've been too happy go lucky and so ha-ha-ha for too long such that sometimes my happy nature just takes a back seat. and so, without any warnings whatsoever, i am entrapped in this bubble. and i'm finding it very hard to breathe.

whatever it is, my birthday has been a very memorable one. thank you all for all the presents. i love the tofu(thanks for remembering!!), penguin(i dont look like one szu an), winnie the pooh pink thing(hmm... HAHA), all the gifts from jeffrey (and for organizing the lunch), xin er for the monkey (and yicheng gave a banana hahaha). Thanks to wang for the lovely card and sweets(but compared to erhems present...LOL), hongwei for coming for lunch and paying for the m18 book hahahah. jessica for being such an entertainer and adept fisher -winks. melody for being a great friend. suayu for the really meaningful(depends on how u look at it) letter lol! and my family for the fantastic meal and for providing me with a home i can always count on. thanks to everyone for all the well wishes etc, though i know this post is alittle overdue. i realised i'm really a sucker for letters and the likes, it just is nice to read, in black and white, what is going on in the heads of my friends. that's why suayu and wanglin's letters were pleasant surprises. and of course, who would forget, the strange and insane card ms dong and girl gang came up with. i almost died laughing when i open it. and of course the guy gang for squeezing stuff into the card haha. btw dong, i totally agree u could have done a better choice with the selection of a more glam cut-out photo HAHA. but i xin ling already la. lol.

yes sister, writing is indeed therapeutic. i realised i seldom turn to people when i'm upset. i just find it hard to suddenly talk seriously etc with others. maybe that's why my blog seems 'emo'. i think being such a clown makes it all the more difficult for me to confide in others. and when i really am upset, it's so obvious. i remember that short period of time, hahaha everyone in class could tell, but no one knew what to do just cos no one knew how to approach the ever-seemingly-nothing-gets-him-down-but-is-now-really-down-and-out lilong. but i guess i am comforted by knowing people actually do bother. sometimes, one doesnt have to say anything or do anything, but it still somehow achieves a unexplainable effect on others.

anyway, ah gong had a mild stroke. that's after my dad's eldest brother, which is da bo, who had a bad fall and is out of the danger zone, but semi-comatose. all this just made me realize the frailty of life. ah gong's accident took a shine off the impending dinner tonight with my most cherished friends from high school council. i'm not sure whether i'll now be able to enjoy the dinner as much as i've been eagerly anticipating it. this dinners/lunches/get-togethers bring back stability in my life. just as how lunch with suayu and jijo(before he was so busy) would make school seem so much more bearable. this memories, and friends, i certainly will never forget.

i guess sincerity goes a long way from the forming of a relationship to ensuring it lasts a life time. if there's something i am proud of, it's how i manage to make friends, and more importantly, keep them. most of the times, i dont even remember how i actually made friends with them. it just happens so magically. and i think it makes me happy when i know i made a difference in their lives. they say having an apple a day keeps the doctor away, i say, cheering a person up a day makes me feel safer in this crazy crazy world.

unlike suayu, my posts are unentertaining and amazingly boring(and also at times, didactic). but i write for a reason which i myself cant explain. yet, i really do feel like it's a nice place to vent. at least i dont take it out on people.

good luck to everyone's who is in the midst of nationals, or whose season have abruptly came to an end like me. as i told xian yun(who keeps saying i'm damn nag but sorry lah, i'm not as funny as SAM), be forward looking. and of course, the you-only-have-24-hours to cry and be upset theory. honestly, don't cry over spilled milk (except for that 24hours only), i'd rather clean up the mess and think of how not to spill milk again. what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger.

last but not least, i'm quaking in my feet at my mum's proclamation of wanting to see every, i repeat, every subject teacher. i dread to think of the comments from people like liang yong. what's there to comment beside oh! wo de ban shi ta de shui jiao shi jian. (i'm partly glad that sis will have trouble reading chinese so there's a chance she may not understand ahhahaha!) aiyah, i think only mr leong and mdm yeoh will have good comments for me. i wish i would bump into the ne2twork teachers like mdm tengara, mr tan and mrs eileen tan somehow, and they can start wowing my mum with their impressions of me, which i believe, is exceptional. apparently they are semi-bemused that i appear in VBC and BBI every year lol. and i'm honestly thinking of having one of them as my character referees just based on these trivial interactions =/ dream on lilong.

good night people. i've to get back to conquering mr wong's poem. i guess i'm just going to annotate and go to bed. i'm aching all over. physiotherapy's like a torture session that i enjoy. dont get me wrong, i'm not sadistic. but it's an amazing feeling to know how every drop of sweat, every time i cringe and the efforts put in, reaps rewards at the end of the day. i'd gladly get very bad muscle aches if it meant me being able to kick a ball sooner. i'm just a few more months from there. hang in there.

was shocked to receive an email from my wenzhou friend(not even my buddy). its amazing what exchange programmes achieve. friendships know no boundaries.

to everyone who's upset over one thing or another... you have another 23hours and 59minutes to stay that way. after that, it's time to pick yourself up. my emo periods last for more like 2minutes and 40seconds. haha. and i realized i've been playing Uncle Agony to an assortment of people recently - not that i'm complaining. i think that's why i'm here.